The Honeymoon

Winter Conference was this weekend. It is this epic, Pentecostal gathering of college students from different ministries all along the West Coast. I have managed to make friends with quite a few people from around the state and more campus pastors and interns from around the state! It was really good to see them all. Catch up with old friends and potentially make new ones. But that isn't the purpose of the conference. This conference is for people to encounter God in a new way, to be encouraged, convicted, and empowered to make changes in their life that will further the kingdom of God on their campus.
And then there was me, in the thick of it, but totally lost as to what God had in store for me. You see, God and I are having our first honeymoon. I'd sit down after the speaker exhorted us to change our hearts and minds into a new posture for God. They would call down the Holy Spirit and encourage us to lay our hearts bare before him. Every time I sat down and tried, God wouldn't uncover a new dirty portion of my heart and soul, He would just bring me in and I would rest in His presence. THe absolute best way I can describe the season I am going through right now is to say that God and I are having a honeymoon.
Now, I've never had a physical honeymoon, but I can imagine what it would be like (although not too far, lets keep it PG) and I feel like it all applies to my spiritual walk. I can imagine the scariness and anticipation of entering that new level of intimacy. Then afterward, the incredible closeness, the relief, the peace and joy of lying next to the one person who knows you best in the whole world and just drinking in their scent and the feel of their arm around you. There aren't any demands at the moment. There aren't any walls between you, you have become one flesh If you two were the only people in the world, that would be ok. There is joy in that. There is peace in that. That is where God and I are. We just got through such an intense trial together. Now on the other side, I am so in love!
But here I am, totally in love and just drinking in God's scent, surrounded by conviction and exhortation. Draw near to God! Sacrifice yourself for Him! But wait, God and I were just going to go on a walk and hold hands! And then later we were going to have a nice dinner and gaze adoringly into each other's eyes! Is that wrong?
I decided right away that it wasn't, but I came to this conference and I didn't think God wanted me to waste everything about it. For the first two days, I spent most of my time drinking in His scent as mentioned before, asking God if there was anything He wanted to say. Towards the end, I decided I wanted to show God more love. I already surrendered myself and laid my soul bare before Him, but how about a nice romantic gesture? Yes, I made some radical heart decisions, but what if I decided to be more purposeful in the short term. To sow into people's lives in the present? During the last evening session, I stood there and watched people weep and cry out to God for healing, for His touch. I stood there and spiritually held hands with my Lover. Then, I saw a girl and God whispered in my ear "I want her to know that she is my princess and I delight in her" so I walked over and told her. She was so incredibly blessed! She had just been asking God about her identity and what she could do to delight in Him more! It was beautiful. Then I walk back to my seat and a woman approaches me and says "I saw you raise your hand when they asked who wanted to pray for someone to be healed. The ligaments in my ankle are all messed up, will you pray for me?" So a friend and I prayed for her. And she put her foot down and all her pain was gone! Crazy!
All of this was a product of God's heart for me. He is slowly changing me to be more like Him. Instead of having to be prodded and goaded into doing His work, he speaks to me tenderly until His desires become mine. Now I know I haven't arrived there yet. I can still look at myself and see selfishness and fear. Pettiness and jealousy. But what if I stepped willingly into the fire to be purified? What if God led me by the hand my entire life instead of fencing me in with thorns? I see years ahead of me filled with beauty and passion. My heart overflows.